Post by Marciana - admin on Apr 24, 2007 6:38:35 GMT
So it's John-John's birthday, and we are live on tape from London, England, the only place in the world where birds have puppies. You'll get it.
Opening Segment -- Here comes the moneeeeeey as Shane opens RAW for us from Merry Ole England. He says that Bobby Lashley is NOT HERE, and we get a recap of last week when Santino Marella, a "fan" pulled out of the "crowd" who went on to "win" the "Intercontinental Championship" from "Umaga" (it's all real, I'm just screwing around with the quotation marks there). He then brings out someone he met in a pub the other night to face him in a No DQ match.
Match 1 -- Shane McMoneeeeyMahon vs Robby Brookside (no DQ) --- At some point in the match, Shane turned it into a handicap, no DQ match, and brought out Umaga. And then a little while later, he brought out Vince. And Brookside becomes the proverbial Bobby Lashley and gets his ass handed to him by Shane, Vince and Umaga in 6:00. I personally don't know what's worse, having to watch the McMahons/Lashley storyline pushed throughout RAW for the main event match, or at the start of RAW to get through the rest of RAW. Srsleh.
Match 2 -- Matt Hardy (w/Jeff) vs Trevor Murdoch (w/Lance Cade) --- Formula match again, just like last week. Murdoch wins in 5:00. 3:4 the Hardys retain at Backlash.
Random WTF?!?! Moment of The Week -- Triple H screams and says we're experiencing technical difficulties. You can take the man out of DX, but you can never take DX out of the man. HEE.
Match 3 -- Melina (c) vs Maria (non-title) --- Maria's getting a lot better, actually, but like Candice, she just needs to be given a "legitimate" match, not heel champion squashes like this one, and she can really show what she can really do. Melina wins in 2:00. Where was Mickie? The only redeeming factor for this would have been a Mickie intervention after Melina decided she wasn't done with Maria even after the pin.
Backstage Break-ups -- Carlito is taping his wrists for his match. Flair says let's go to the ring, and it's worth pointing out that he said that because Carlito then said that there IS no let's. Carlito faces Khali NEXT. Creative officially does not know what to do with Carlito at this point. Or Khali for that matter.
Match 4 -- The Great Khali vs Carlito (sans Torrie and Flair) --- Khali in 2:00 and I don't need to tell you how. After the match, Flair comes out to check on Carlito, who screams his head off en Español at Señor Flair, who stares WTF-ily at him and then leaves him alone in the ring.
Backstage Facetime -- Mick Foley is all dressed up and nice and he talks about Michael Peña's Make-A-Wish moment from a couple of weeks ago, and then Edge appears on screen and thanks Mick for the partnership, and for having Michael Peña make the 4-way match at Backlash, then says he'll take Ortz out and then watch John-John and HBK tear each other apart. Insert EvoL!Edge grin and chuckle here.
More Backstage Talkin' -- After the break, HBK is walking to the ring, and then he meets up with Cena who says Everybody Respects HBK (and that should be the next slogan for HBK, I think, put it on the back of his new merch shirts), even him, but you know...HBK still isn't champ. HBK doesn't say anything, and you just KNOW John-John's getting beat tonight.
Match 5 -- John Cena (c) vs HBK (non-title) --- In probably one of John's best free TV matches evAr, HBK and Cena take it to the limit, giving us an amazing 56:00 match. In the end, HBK beat Cena with Sweet Chin Music.
===============================
Ummm...We Been ROOOOOOOOOOBBED. Where was Orton vs Edge?!?!?!!?!? Srsleh!
~ MARCIANA ~
Opening Segment -- Here comes the moneeeeeey as Shane opens RAW for us from Merry Ole England. He says that Bobby Lashley is NOT HERE, and we get a recap of last week when Santino Marella, a "fan" pulled out of the "crowd" who went on to "win" the "Intercontinental Championship" from "Umaga" (it's all real, I'm just screwing around with the quotation marks there). He then brings out someone he met in a pub the other night to face him in a No DQ match.
Match 1 -- Shane Mc
Match 2 -- Matt Hardy (w/Jeff) vs Trevor Murdoch (w/Lance Cade) --- Formula match again, just like last week. Murdoch wins in 5:00. 3:4 the Hardys retain at Backlash.
Random WTF?!?! Moment of The Week -- Triple H screams and says we're experiencing technical difficulties. You can take the man out of DX, but you can never take DX out of the man. HEE.
Match 3 -- Melina (c) vs Maria (non-title) --- Maria's getting a lot better, actually, but like Candice, she just needs to be given a "legitimate" match, not heel champion squashes like this one, and she can really show what she can really do. Melina wins in 2:00. Where was Mickie? The only redeeming factor for this would have been a Mickie intervention after Melina decided she wasn't done with Maria even after the pin.
Backstage Break-ups -- Carlito is taping his wrists for his match. Flair says let's go to the ring, and it's worth pointing out that he said that because Carlito then said that there IS no let's. Carlito faces Khali NEXT. Creative officially does not know what to do with Carlito at this point. Or Khali for that matter.
Match 4 -- The Great Khali vs Carlito (sans Torrie and Flair) --- Khali in 2:00 and I don't need to tell you how. After the match, Flair comes out to check on Carlito, who screams his head off en Español at Señor Flair, who stares WTF-ily at him and then leaves him alone in the ring.
Backstage Facetime -- Mick Foley is all dressed up and nice and he talks about Michael Peña's Make-A-Wish moment from a couple of weeks ago, and then Edge appears on screen and thanks Mick for the partnership, and for having Michael Peña make the 4-way match at Backlash, then says he'll take Ortz out and then watch John-John and HBK tear each other apart. Insert EvoL!Edge grin and chuckle here.
More Backstage Talkin' -- After the break, HBK is walking to the ring, and then he meets up with Cena who says Everybody Respects HBK (and that should be the next slogan for HBK, I think, put it on the back of his new merch shirts), even him, but you know...HBK still isn't champ. HBK doesn't say anything, and you just KNOW John-John's getting beat tonight.
Match 5 -- John Cena (c) vs HBK (non-title) --- In probably one of John's best free TV matches evAr, HBK and Cena take it to the limit, giving us an amazing 56:00 match. In the end, HBK beat Cena with Sweet Chin Music.
===============================
Ummm...We Been ROOOOOOOOOOBBED. Where was Orton vs Edge?!?!?!!?!? Srsleh!
~ MARCIANA ~
