04-30 Recap, Results, Reax

[Marciana - admin]

And so, ladies and gents, we are 24 hours removed from Backlash, and we are just about to find out how much backlash from Backlash is going to happen on RAW tonight.

Opening Doo-Rag, Zippadeeday -- John-John is on his way into the arena and gets stopped by McGangsta. He tells him to hold up, dawg, the champ is here. Of course, we all know Vince is know ECW champ, and he says some stuff about being the new ECW champ. John says that unless ECW stands for Extremely Crazy White guy, all he sees is a douche in a doorag. Well, he didn't say douche, I just don't remember what he said. HBK then enters the picture, and tells John that there's a saying that sometimes it's better to be lucky than good, and that John just got lucky the night before at Backlash. He wants another rematch, and John never says no to getting it on. HEE, he didn't actually say that, but I'm paraphrasing to service myself, lol. Anyway. Vince said that's not for them to decide, and sets HBK vs Cena non-title for the main event tonight, and if HBK wins, then he gets his title match next week. After which one of them might want to come after "the big one," meaning the ECW championship. "Peace out, my bruthas!" Vince says, and takes his McGangstass out of there. Vince has lost it, and I'm not the only one who thinks so, John and HBK do too. John then says he'll see HBK out there tonight and walks off, with HBK watching after him looking like he wants in John-John's pants.

Match 1 -- Edge vs Randy Orton --- Here we go. I think a lot of people were really looking forward to this match. They were promised this match last week, and after a really good match just 24 hours ago, the match was hot all night. A lot of people said that this was the match of the night, and perhaps Randy Orton's best singles match in a long, long while. Yay, REDEMPTION!Randy. Edge wins with a Spear at 17:00.

ECW Preview -- McGangsta and his new bling-bling in the dirrteh-dirrteh are gonna be at ECW tomorrow night to address the ECW Originals and their problem with him being the new champ.

RVD Gets His Rage On -- Vince McMahon is the new ECW Champion and RVD is NOT HAPPY. A lot of people aren't either.

Bump-bump-bumpin' Backstage -- Shane wants to touch Daddy's new bling, but Vince is all "No way, Jose" on him. He changes the subject to RVD, saying RVD has got to pay for his comments tonight. Shane then goes all soft and hugs his dad and says he loves him. Vince is uneasy about it, so instead he gives the belt to Shane to hold. Oh, Shane, what did mama tell you about touching Daddy's things!?! Vince left, and then Shane started chanting "E-C-Dub" to himself. Ummm, okay.

Maria's Cleavage Talks To Edge -- Or at least tries to. Maria and her cleavage just barely gets to ask her question, as Edge rips the mic away because HBK is getting another chance at the title and Edge is NOT HAPPY about that. He says he'll forcefully put himself in, whether HBK and John like it or not. BE STILL, MY OVERPORNED BRAIN.

Match 2 -- Jeff Hardy (c) vs Johnny Nitro --- Cade and Murdoch are at commentary, and say that they are good sports, and would just like to show good fellowship and sportsmanship. Jeffrey beats Nitro with a Swanton Bomb.

Doubting The Dudes -- After the match, Cade and Murdoch extend a handshake Jeff's way, but Jeff isn't buying it, and walks away. I think this is a more effective way of getting the people into this feud - give the opponents some character. We don't want to see a feud that involves heels who have lost A LOT over the past months.

Match 3 -- RVD vs Umaga --- We come back after the 1233893420 package on The Condemned (that lies about the movie getting rave reviews, btw) and commercial to Shane welcoming out Umaga. Of course, you can't put RVD in a match like this and expect it to be a complete squash, RVD gets a lot of offense in, and RVD's awesome and all, but hey, it's UMAGA. RVD (predictably) loses to Umaga. I really didn't expect RVD to win, anyway.

Friends Again? -- Carlito finds Ric Flair making some hot coffee at the catering table, wooooooooo. Carlito apologizes to Flair for exploding and taking his frustrations out on him last week, and says that if they can't get it done against The World's Greatest Tag Team tonight, then he's gone for good, he won't bother Flair anymore. Flair gives him only one more chance, woooooooooooo. Carlito and Torrie walk away as Torrie asks if this is a good idea. Carlito tells her he knows what he's doing.

Beat-up Backstage! -- HBK's music plays in the arena, but HBK is a no-show. The backstage camera finds HBK slumped and KO'ed in the backstage area, with officials coming and trying to figure out what happened. Cena, Val Venis and Coach join the ensuing chaos after the commercial break, and Coach accuses Cena of taking out HBK so he wouldn't have to face him in the main event. John-John is NOT HAPPY about that, and slams Coach against the wall, then leaves without saying a word. Ooooooh. McGangsta finds the scene and asks who KO'ed HBK. He demands that Coach go and find out. He then says HBK is still in the main event. Ummmm, okay. HOW.

Match 4 -- Carlito and Ric Flair (w/Torrie) vs The World's Greatest Tag Team --- We know what kind of match this is going to turn out to be. In the middle of the match, Carlito decks Flair with a left hand and then proceeds to beat him up as Torrie can only watch in shock. Carlito walks up the ramp, but Flair goes after him and they brawl. So the match comes to a no contest decision, but hey, at least we now finally have the heel turn they've been teasing for weeks.

Edged Out! --- Ugh, corny. Anyway. If anybody thought it wasn't John who did it, and was probably Edge thanks to that little promo he did where he was NOT HAPPY about HBK getting another shot at the title, you were (probably) wrong. The Rated R Superstar is now lying face down in his locker room, out like a light. Coach figures it must have been Randy Orton. I'd be happy if it was.

Wrestlemania!...Mania! -- After the commercial break, JR and King talked about the on-going mystery backstage about WhoDunIt?, and King tries to defend Randy Orton as Kennedy makes his way out. He's got his briefcase with him, and long story short (really long story short), Ken-Ken says he's cashing in his MITB on March 30, 2008, in Orlando, Florida, at Wrestlemania 24. I'd be surprised if he named an actual time. PS - Regarding HBK and Edge, it wasn't him.

OMG! You Killed Randy! You Bastard! -- Coz you know, Kenny almost rhymes with Randy? And...never mind. Anyway, Kenny (!!!) has found Randy Orton out cold in the shower area, which begs the question: What in the name of all things good and holy was Kenny Dykstra doing in Randy Orton's shower area, even if it IS communal?! And why was he wrapped IN A TOWEL?! Ahem. Getting my mind out of the gutter now...Coach and ref Mike Chioda join Kenny, and like Kenny, Coach puts his hand on Randy's womanly thighs as he calls his name-DAMMIT, I SAID I'D KEEP MY MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! Anyway, Coach sends Chioda to get help for Randy as we go to break.

Has Vince Cena-nuff? -- Get it? GET IT?! Ugh, you'll see. After the break, Vince is talking to a stage hand who is hearing about his ECW title win for the 2343498234 time. Coach finds him, and says he just can't figure out who took out all their top guys. BTW, there's a poster of The Condemned looming on the wall. Read into it what you will, it adds to the suspense. Vince gets out of gangsta mode long enough to tell Coach to send John Cena into the ring.

Match 5 -- Melina (c) and Victoria vs Mickie James and Candice Michelle --- WHOOT-WHOO. A Divas tag match with Divas who can wrestle. We all know Mickie and Victoria are the top Diva wrestlers on the roster, and Melina has her skillz, but the awesome surprise is Candice Michelle, who has really been stepping up her game, which is awesome because it shows that there IS hope for the Divas roster. Maria's also working herself up to become better, so yay for the Divas roster, at least on RAW. Candice and Mickie win in 4:00 after Candice rolled Victoria up.

Dead Man Walking? --- John-John is shown walking all angst-ridden to the ring. Was it him? I'd love it if it was. Please say it was him, PLEASE!

A Great Disappointment Surprise --- Turns out it wasn't him. Shoot. John doesn't do his usual crazy, jovial jumping around entrance, and heads straight for the ring, doesn't even do a salute, takes a mic and calls out the attacker. He says it wasn't him, and whoever did do it all just wanted some freakin' attention from the Champ, which he was giving then. If you want some, cooooooooome git sooooooooooome. And it's long, I'd say half a minute of John waiting and still challenging the attacker. Just as he's about to leave, Khali's music hit. John attacks him before he can reach the ring, but Khali no sells John's rights and lefts, and John gets thrown into the ring, where he tries for an FU, but instead gets kicked, chopped and double-handed chokeslammed all the way into the seventh level of hell. Raw closes on Khali standing over John's body while holding the championship.

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.....Hold on fast, Raw fans, RAW is about to go down quicker than a ho for 10 dollars. Cena vs Khali = WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. With no way to make it right. Unless they do, like, a 4-on-1 handicap match with Cena, RKO, Edge and HBK vs Khali, and even then since Khali can't actually fight, it would just be so bad. Maybe if Khali could wrestle like Big Show, it'd sell, but you know.

.....I LOVED the whole mystery thing until Khali came out. I would have loved it if they did in fact have Cena go nuts and attacked everyone.

.....I give props to Candice Michelle, she's already one of my favorites, and I love that she and Maria, who were brought in at first to be solely eye candy, have stepped up their game to show that they can hang with the big boys. Or girls, as is the case.

.....What has happened to Johnny Nitro? He kind of slowed after he lost the Intercontinental Championship to Jeff in a Ladder Match, and then when Melina won her Women's Championship, he just disappeared off the face of the earth. He used to wrestle story matches, now he's just for enhancement. I'm sure that's not what he was moved to RAW for last year. And I wonder how Melina is reacting to that.

.....Finally, an end to the Carlito Turns Heel story. It's good that they had Ric Flair actually go after Carlito, so at least that didn't feel flat.

.....Randy Orton vs Edge. I haven't actually seen it, but from what I've read, I'm sure it was awesome. I'm a huge Randy Orton mark (not to the point where I think he can do no wrong), so I'm really glad to know he worked his ass off and did a really great job with one of the best workers the company has right now. Like I said, hello there Redemption. Congratulations to Randy Orton and Edge, their match sounds awesome.

.....With Kennedy...Kennedy doing his announcement on RAW, I almost think he's going to cash in his MITB not for the World Heavyweight Championship, but for the WWE Championship, which would be a sorry, sorry move for Smackdown!, because if they lose Ken-Ken to RAW, they lose one of their biggest draws. Ken-Ken is one of SD!'s top heels, and the guy's got his skillz, so you know, I would feel sorry for SD! if he ever moved.

~ MARCIANA ~