Post by Marciana - admin on May 13, 2007 3:40:25 GMT
Very late, but at least I got to watch the whole show first before I make this recap.
The King Of Extremely Long And Boring Promos --- Coach's music is playing, and it's actually cool, but I HATE COACH. Coach brings out Vince, who tonight is Chairman Of The Board and not ECW Champion (phew). Still, he opens with, "Whatup, G?!" >.> ::headshake:: Anyway. Vince gloats about Khali keeling Cena, Edge, HBK and RKO ded last week, and declares him #1 Contender for the WWE Title at Judgement Day in 2 weeks. HBK comes out, and is NOT HAPPY about that, especially since HE was supposed to have had a match against Cena last week to get a championship match this week, but Khali went and, like I said, keeled him ded. Vince tells him that if he wants to face Cena at Judgement Day, he's got to earn it. He books Khali vs HBK in a No DQ #1 Contenders' Match, and that's the last he says about that. He then moves on to the ECW title around his waist and says everyone's talking about it, which of course brings out Bobby Lashley. Vince is NOT HAPPY that Lashley is out there, but all Lashley wants is for Vince to give him what he wants, like he did for HBK. All Lashley wants is a rematch for the title. Vince reminds Lashley that unless Lashley is physically provoked, he cannot attack Vince, Shane or Umaga or he'll forfeit all title oppurtunities from now on. Vince gloats about being ECW Champion, trying to get Lashley to hit him, but Lashley doesn't take the bait. Vince then makes Lashley vs Vince, Shane and Umaga (again) for the ECW Championship (again) at Judgement Day (collective groan). Lashley's fine with it, but would love to tell Vince how he really felt about him, but has a problem with him not being allowed to hit him. Vince said Lashley's been humbled, and leaves. Coach tries to leave, but Lashley takes it out on him, and for the first time since Lashley put Armando Alejandro Estrada in a wheelchair, Lashley is my hero again.
Delicious Divas Dallying Backstage --- Mickie James pays Candice Michelle a visit in the locker room to fetch her for the match (which is next). Candice is still in her bo0bs, lolz, so she gets Mickie to help her with her top, and they make for the ring.
Match 1 -- Mickie James and Candice Michelle vs Melina (c) vs Victoria --- We learn that the reason for this match is that the heels were NOT HAPPY that Candice pinned Victoria last week, so they asked for a rematch and got it. Short match but all 4 Divas get to show us what they're made of, and I'm so glad for Candice, this is a nice push she's been getting, and I think it's because the people in the back have finally noticed that she and Maria, IMO, have been getting better. I can now see Candice as a serious contender for the Women's Title. Champion, not yet, but contender, definitely. Candice and Mickie win in 4:00 after Candice makes a blind tag, hits Melina with her spinning back kick finisher and pins the Women's Champion, which makes JR very surprised and a believer out of King.
Video Package --- Really awesome, really cute video package on WWE Superstars and Divas with terminally ill and/or handicapped children. They even managed to sneak in a bit of Randy Orton and that kid who really likes him from...what was it, a couple of months ago? The one who got to go to RAW only to see RKO and Edge get their asses handed to them by HBK and Cena? Hee.
Match 2 -- Santino Marella (c) vs Chris Masters - Intercontinental Title match --- This is Marella's first IC defense, and they make a pretty big deal of it. Marella just barely wins in 4:00. I wasn't overly impressed, but I wasn't totally cringing either. Santino Marella is, thus far, undefeated in TV matches with a 2-0 W/L record. For those of you keeping count.
Mrrrrr...Wrestlemania 24! --- Ken Kennedy welcomes us back from commercial break to remind us that there are only 328 days left to Wrestlemania 24, which means it's just around the corner. >.>...<.<.....
Randy Orton's Most Emo Interview EvAr --- Maria (whoot-whoo!) is in the interview area with Randy Orton (whoot-whoo) who is not wearing an Orton merch shirt, but instead a black Raw shirt (which begs the question: WHY?!), and she asks him how he's feeling about his match versus John Cena tonight. Randy tells her that he requested the match against Cena tonight, and he's pumped and ready, and no one is going to remember that a couple of weeks ago HBK beat Cena because it's not going to take Randy Orton an hour to do it. And then...Randy turns on the emo. "My career, my title hopes...my life, will get back on track...tonight." Urm...emo!Randy, as if he's just come back from a year-long suspension or something.
Match 3 -- Umaga vs The Highlanders --- With this match, by storyline, Vince is trying to do 2 things, both of which cancel each other out. On one hand, he's trying to show Lashley that, yes, one person can beat more than one opponent at any given time.[/b] On the other hand, it's a message that this is what Umaga can and will do to him at Judgement Day. Complete and utter squash at 1:30 after Umaga piles one McAllister on top of the other (I think it was Robbeh over Rorreh) and splashed down on the two of them. Ugly.
Video Package -- More hype for The Condemned. I don't know why they bother, no one, no matter how many Stone Cold fans there are, are not going to see it, because they've learned their lesson with See No Evil and The Marine. The latter, by the way, is still raking in millions worldwide. What are we now, I think we're around US$30 million worldwide gross from the theaters, the DVD sales and rentals and all that.
Big Man Walking --- Khali is making his way to the ring. HBK vs Khali is next!
Edged Out --- Edge finds Mrrrr Kennedy...Kennedy backstage, and lets him know that he is NOT HAPPY that once again Kennedy has invaded his show, just to say that he's going to cash in his MITB at Wrestlemania 24. Edge says that when he was MITB, he defended it against all comers until he could cash it in, and thinks Kennedy is scared to do the same that's why set a firm date. Kennedy is affronted and says he'll defend his MITB against Edge tonight.
Match 4 -- HBK Shawn Michaels vs The Great Khali - #1 Contenders' Match, winner faces John Cena for the WWE Title at Judgement Day --- We all already know how this will go, but hey, it's a No-DQ match, so it ought to be even just a little bit interesting. The thing with HBK is that he's so good, he can wrestle a can of tuna and make it look like Match of The Year. While this match isn't exactly Match of The Year material, HBK makes you still want to watch. The match ends when HBK, after trying to DDT Khali into the announce table and getting thrown down onto the floor by Khali, crashes spine first into the announce table. The ref checks on him and calls for the bell to stop the match because HBK is physically unable to continue (despite the lack of blood or something...). The Great Khali wins in 7:00. A lot of people didn't like the finish, but I guess I'm just so tired of seeing Khali double-hand chokeslam everybody to win matches that I just didn't mind. Besides, it's sort of like...HBK may be down, but he didn't give up. He just happened to be knocked out.
Who Has Cena-Head To Judgement Day? --- Todd Grisham is in the interview area with John Cena, and of course, The Grish asks Cena his thoughts on having to fight Khali at Judgement Day. Cena makes fun of him for his stupid question (well, it was stupid, much as I like Grish...they should have had Maria do this interview, I miss my Cena/Maria), then says what he said last week: he doesn't back down from any challenge at all. He points out that Randy challenged him to a match, trying to get his life and career back on track, but Randy Orton has picked the wrong man to go through to do that. After a few more words that all really come to "Bring.It.On," John ends the promo with "You want some, come get some!"
Cryme Tyme's Second Hand Sale --- Cryme Tyme is having a Mother's Day sale, selling stuff they stole from other people (Viscera's platter of food, Eugene's prescription pills, and Ron Simmons' Hummer. DAMN!). "If you desire it, we'll acquire it!" Catchy. Big Dick Johnson is SPIDERMAN, and he says that his Spidey senses tingled and told him that Cryme Tyme were up to no good. Shad brings out a bat, cuz he's Batman, and they beat up BDJ ded then take his wallet. HEE.
Match 5 -- The Hardys (c) vs The World's Greatest Tag Team (non-title) --- Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary again, and they're doing a really good job developing their characters. I wasn't paying too much attention to this match coz I was busy fixing stuff for Mother's Day.
Anyway, The Hardys win in 5:00. After the match, they excuse themselves from the commentary spot (can't say table anymore, that table is history), and enter the ring and extend their hands to the Hardys, who shakes hands with them. Cade and Murdoch then back away, saying that's all they wanted.
Carlito Es El Hombre NOT HAPPY --- Carlito is shown stomping his way through backstage with Torrie trying to catch up before the break, and after the break, they make their entrance. Carlito says that a few months ago, Ric Flair embarassed him in front of his girl by saying he had no passion and was just taking up space on the RAW roster. Carlito was convinced that by teaming up with Ric Flair, he would grow and learn, but that didn't happen because there was no more need for him to grow, and nothing left for him to learn. Moreover, Ric Flair had lost basically every tag team match they'd had together, and had cost him his MITB qualifying match (which I don't recall being true) and says that he should be WWE Champion by now, but isn't because of Flair. So last week, Carlito showed Flair just how much passion he had, and then called out Flair to show him some more passion, and am I the only one disturbed at how gay that sounded? Anyway, Flair is in Las Vegas, doing charity work in behalf of the WWE, so he doesn't come out. Carlito said Flair didn't come out because he has no guts, and it was time for Carlito to get rid of the trash in his life...starting with Torrie. He starts berating Torrie in Spanish until she finally beats it out of the ring. The crowd booed him, and he shouted more Spanish at them, but of course no one understands him so they boo some more until he finally leaves.
Video Package --- More pluggage for The Condemned. Oh God, STOP ALREADY.
Match 6 -- Mr Kennedy (MITB) vs Edge - MITB Defense --- Edge attacks Ken-Ken on the ramp before he can even make it to the ring. He gives him a helluva beating, including using the last working monitor the announcers had on Kennedy's head, before rolling him into the ring. The ref tells Kennedy he doesn't have to do this, but Kennedy shouts at him to ring the bell. Much respect and love for Ken-Ken. As soon as the bell rings, Edge Spears the shit out of Mr Kennedy for the 3 and the pinfall. Edge wins Money In The Bank in 10 seconds. That's got to be some sort of record.
Match 7 -- John Cena (c) vs Randy Orton --- Randy Orton's entrance music welcomes us back right after the break, and he's all pumped and ready. We get some offense from Cena, and right after he hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle on Ortz, Khali comes out (no music tho). Cena's a little distracted, but he gets Randy up for the FU. He sees Khali go for the Championship belt, and he drops Ortz on his ass (not an FU though) to try and go after Khali, who is walking away with his belt. John locks on the STFU, but because he's distracted, Ortz makes it to the ropes, and Cena is made to break the hold. Once John breaks the hold, he goes after Khali. He pulls at Khali's arm and Khali turns around and knocks John in the head with the championship belt on the ramp. But with how big Khali is, and how close John was, it really did almost look like the belt to the head was an accident, it was almost comical. Khali walks to the back with the belt to close the show. No contest at 4:00. For those of you keeping count, this is Cena/Orton III (singles, one-on-one match), and for the third time in a row, we do not have a solid finish. Cena/Orton I was at the Eddie Guerrero tribute show, which ended in a DQ when Cowboy Bob Orton hit John to keep Orton from getting FU'ed. Cena/Orton II was a couple of weeks after Cena and HBK won the tag titles off of Edge and RKO, and that ended in a DQ when Edge came out of nowhere and Speared the guts out of John-John. Just thought I'd point that out.
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So much WTFery on RAW this week. I have nothing to say but that.
~ MARCIANA ~
PS - ECW and Smackdown! results to follow.
The King Of Extreme
Delicious Divas Dallying Backstage --- Mickie James pays Candice Michelle a visit in the locker room to fetch her for the match (which is next). Candice is still in her bo0bs, lolz, so she gets Mickie to help her with her top, and they make for the ring.
Match 1 -- Mickie James and Candice Michelle vs Melina (c) vs Victoria --- We learn that the reason for this match is that the heels were NOT HAPPY that Candice pinned Victoria last week, so they asked for a rematch and got it. Short match but all 4 Divas get to show us what they're made of, and I'm so glad for Candice, this is a nice push she's been getting, and I think it's because the people in the back have finally noticed that she and Maria, IMO, have been getting better. I can now see Candice as a serious contender for the Women's Title. Champion, not yet, but contender, definitely. Candice and Mickie win in 4:00 after Candice makes a blind tag, hits Melina with her spinning back kick finisher and pins the Women's Champion, which makes JR very surprised and a believer out of King.
Video Package --- Really awesome, really cute video package on WWE Superstars and Divas with terminally ill and/or handicapped children. They even managed to sneak in a bit of Randy Orton and that kid who really likes him from...what was it, a couple of months ago? The one who got to go to RAW only to see RKO and Edge get their asses handed to them by HBK and Cena? Hee.
Match 2 -- Santino Marella (c) vs Chris Masters - Intercontinental Title match --- This is Marella's first IC defense, and they make a pretty big deal of it. Marella just barely wins in 4:00. I wasn't overly impressed, but I wasn't totally cringing either. Santino Marella is, thus far, undefeated in TV matches with a 2-0 W/L record. For those of you keeping count.
Mrrrrr...Wrestlemania 24! --- Ken Kennedy welcomes us back from commercial break to remind us that there are only 328 days left to Wrestlemania 24, which means it's just around the corner. >.>...<.<.....
Randy Orton's Most Emo Interview EvAr --- Maria (whoot-whoo!) is in the interview area with Randy Orton (whoot-whoo) who is not wearing an Orton merch shirt, but instead a black Raw shirt (which begs the question: WHY?!), and she asks him how he's feeling about his match versus John Cena tonight. Randy tells her that he requested the match against Cena tonight, and he's pumped and ready, and no one is going to remember that a couple of weeks ago HBK beat Cena because it's not going to take Randy Orton an hour to do it. And then...Randy turns on the emo. "My career, my title hopes...my life, will get back on track...tonight." Urm...emo!Randy, as if he's just come back from a year-long suspension or something.
Match 3 -- Umaga vs The Highlanders --- With this match, by storyline, Vince is trying to do 2 things, both of which cancel each other out. On one hand, he's trying to show Lashley that, yes, one person can beat more than one opponent at any given time.[/b] On the other hand, it's a message that this is what Umaga can and will do to him at Judgement Day. Complete and utter squash at 1:30 after Umaga piles one McAllister on top of the other (I think it was Robbeh over Rorreh) and splashed down on the two of them. Ugly.
Video Package -- More hype for The Condemned. I don't know why they bother, no one, no matter how many Stone Cold fans there are, are not going to see it, because they've learned their lesson with See No Evil and The Marine. The latter, by the way, is still raking in millions worldwide. What are we now, I think we're around US$30 million worldwide gross from the theaters, the DVD sales and rentals and all that.
Big Man Walking --- Khali is making his way to the ring. HBK vs Khali is next!
Edged Out --- Edge finds Mrrrr Kennedy...Kennedy backstage, and lets him know that he is NOT HAPPY that once again Kennedy has invaded his show, just to say that he's going to cash in his MITB at Wrestlemania 24. Edge says that when he was MITB, he defended it against all comers until he could cash it in, and thinks Kennedy is scared to do the same that's why set a firm date. Kennedy is affronted and says he'll defend his MITB against Edge tonight.
Match 4 -- HBK Shawn Michaels vs The Great Khali - #1 Contenders' Match, winner faces John Cena for the WWE Title at Judgement Day --- We all already know how this will go, but hey, it's a No-DQ match, so it ought to be even just a little bit interesting. The thing with HBK is that he's so good, he can wrestle a can of tuna and make it look like Match of The Year. While this match isn't exactly Match of The Year material, HBK makes you still want to watch. The match ends when HBK, after trying to DDT Khali into the announce table and getting thrown down onto the floor by Khali, crashes spine first into the announce table. The ref checks on him and calls for the bell to stop the match because HBK is physically unable to continue (despite the lack of blood or something...). The Great Khali wins in 7:00. A lot of people didn't like the finish, but I guess I'm just so tired of seeing Khali double-hand chokeslam everybody to win matches that I just didn't mind. Besides, it's sort of like...HBK may be down, but he didn't give up. He just happened to be knocked out.
Who Has Cena-Head To Judgement Day? --- Todd Grisham is in the interview area with John Cena, and of course, The Grish asks Cena his thoughts on having to fight Khali at Judgement Day. Cena makes fun of him for his stupid question (well, it was stupid, much as I like Grish...they should have had Maria do this interview, I miss my Cena/Maria), then says what he said last week: he doesn't back down from any challenge at all. He points out that Randy challenged him to a match, trying to get his life and career back on track, but Randy Orton has picked the wrong man to go through to do that. After a few more words that all really come to "Bring.It.On," John ends the promo with "You want some, come get some!"
Cryme Tyme's Second Hand Sale --- Cryme Tyme is having a Mother's Day sale, selling stuff they stole from other people (Viscera's platter of food, Eugene's prescription pills, and Ron Simmons' Hummer. DAMN!). "If you desire it, we'll acquire it!" Catchy. Big Dick Johnson is SPIDERMAN, and he says that his Spidey senses tingled and told him that Cryme Tyme were up to no good. Shad brings out a bat, cuz he's Batman, and they beat up BDJ ded then take his wallet. HEE.
Match 5 -- The Hardys (c) vs The World's Greatest Tag Team (non-title) --- Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary again, and they're doing a really good job developing their characters. I wasn't paying too much attention to this match coz I was busy fixing stuff for Mother's Day.
Anyway, The Hardys win in 5:00. After the match, they excuse themselves from the commentary spot (can't say table anymore, that table is history), and enter the ring and extend their hands to the Hardys, who shakes hands with them. Cade and Murdoch then back away, saying that's all they wanted.Carlito Es El Hombre NOT HAPPY --- Carlito is shown stomping his way through backstage with Torrie trying to catch up before the break, and after the break, they make their entrance. Carlito says that a few months ago, Ric Flair embarassed him in front of his girl by saying he had no passion and was just taking up space on the RAW roster. Carlito was convinced that by teaming up with Ric Flair, he would grow and learn, but that didn't happen because there was no more need for him to grow, and nothing left for him to learn. Moreover, Ric Flair had lost basically every tag team match they'd had together, and had cost him his MITB qualifying match (which I don't recall being true) and says that he should be WWE Champion by now, but isn't because of Flair. So last week, Carlito showed Flair just how much passion he had, and then called out Flair to show him some more passion, and am I the only one disturbed at how gay that sounded? Anyway, Flair is in Las Vegas, doing charity work in behalf of the WWE, so he doesn't come out. Carlito said Flair didn't come out because he has no guts, and it was time for Carlito to get rid of the trash in his life...starting with Torrie. He starts berating Torrie in Spanish until she finally beats it out of the ring. The crowd booed him, and he shouted more Spanish at them, but of course no one understands him so they boo some more until he finally leaves.
Video Package --- More pluggage for The Condemned. Oh God, STOP ALREADY.
Match 6 -- Mr Kennedy (MITB) vs Edge - MITB Defense --- Edge attacks Ken-Ken on the ramp before he can even make it to the ring. He gives him a helluva beating, including using the last working monitor the announcers had on Kennedy's head, before rolling him into the ring. The ref tells Kennedy he doesn't have to do this, but Kennedy shouts at him to ring the bell. Much respect and love for Ken-Ken. As soon as the bell rings, Edge Spears the shit out of Mr Kennedy for the 3 and the pinfall. Edge wins Money In The Bank in 10 seconds. That's got to be some sort of record.
Match 7 -- John Cena (c) vs Randy Orton --- Randy Orton's entrance music welcomes us back right after the break, and he's all pumped and ready. We get some offense from Cena, and right after he hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle on Ortz, Khali comes out (no music tho). Cena's a little distracted, but he gets Randy up for the FU. He sees Khali go for the Championship belt, and he drops Ortz on his ass (not an FU though) to try and go after Khali, who is walking away with his belt. John locks on the STFU, but because he's distracted, Ortz makes it to the ropes, and Cena is made to break the hold. Once John breaks the hold, he goes after Khali. He pulls at Khali's arm and Khali turns around and knocks John in the head with the championship belt on the ramp. But with how big Khali is, and how close John was, it really did almost look like the belt to the head was an accident, it was almost comical. Khali walks to the back with the belt to close the show. No contest at 4:00. For those of you keeping count, this is Cena/Orton III (singles, one-on-one match), and for the third time in a row, we do not have a solid finish. Cena/Orton I was at the Eddie Guerrero tribute show, which ended in a DQ when Cowboy Bob Orton hit John to keep Orton from getting FU'ed. Cena/Orton II was a couple of weeks after Cena and HBK won the tag titles off of Edge and RKO, and that ended in a DQ when Edge came out of nowhere and Speared the guts out of John-John. Just thought I'd point that out.
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So much WTFery on RAW this week. I have nothing to say but that.
~ MARCIANA ~
PS - ECW and Smackdown! results to follow.
